In the naked ladies campsite Val calls for an exercise class. The Darters meet a strangely similar team, all the way from Holland, for an away match and Tom Cruisin tries to play a round of crazy golf with his gang of childish bodyguards. Plus, bored late night radio DJ Rachel Hodgson and Barnsley's first line of defence against neck-pests, The Vampire Slayers.

Plastic surgery victim Maxine Bendix tries her luck at a local beauty contest and the ladies darts team hold a very special auction in their club. TV-obsessed Carol hopes an out-of-control dog may help her dreams come true. Tom Cruisin's tour of England continues, hopeless Margaret is attacked by a swarm of bees in the ladies campsite and Barnsley's best vampire slayers attempt to attack a postman.

The Darters leave the safety of their club and hit the road for a mystery trip in Tony's very special caravan, while Tom Cruisin takes his bodyguards to a chippy for lunch so they can all sample a traditional saveloy sausage. Balding bachelor Don Peacock has a shocking visit from the Child Support Agency and the Shut Up Family go on the hunt for fresh duck.