Tom Cruisin drops into a sweet shop with his sulky entourage. Jackie teaches her gullible mate Nikki to speak French for a fiver in just one minute. Veronica Cooper watches some more useless lumps of men at play and Magwash baffles listeners with another Salty Tale. Maxine is still struggling with seepage whilst Carol struggles to accept that neighbour Michelle has made it on to the Jeremy Kyle Show before her.

In the naked ladies campsite Val calls for an exercise class. The Darters meet a strangely similar team, all the way from Holland, for an away match and Tom Cruisin tries to play a round of crazy golf with his gang of childish bodyguards. Plus, bored late night radio DJ Rachel Hodgson and Barnsley's first line of defence against neck-pests, The Vampire Slayers.

Plastic surgery victim Maxine Bendix tries her luck at a local beauty contest and the ladies darts team hold a very special auction in their club. TV-obsessed Carol hopes an out-of-control dog may help her dreams come true. Tom Cruisin's tour of England continues, hopeless Margaret is attacked by a swarm of bees in the ladies campsite and Barnsley's best vampire slayers attempt to attack a postman.